Before I start with something that most would consider as pure hate towards ‘hard work’, let me just say – I do NOT hate, nor disrespect someones work. I’m just using a DIFFERENT approach, basically, there’s just way too many tutorials on ‘How to’, hey, even I have it listed under Music 101, but I do feel that saying ‘How NOT to’ with additional constructive info is more effective, and for some, easier to recognize what they might be doing wrong. Don’t you agree?
Now, off to the more fun things. The story line is already well-known, your decision to become a multi-platinum selling artist.
iWrite.
If you’re going to write ONLY about how much money you [don't] have, or how many Beamer, Benz or Bentleys you [don't] drive. Stop. You’re not an artist. You’re just a day dreamer with a split personality. 1st is you. 2nd is Diddy. 3rd is 50 Cent. 4th Rick Ross. And so on. But, I have good news. Shows like Oprah had will be more than pleased to have you as their guest. I’d suggest Ellen’s show, she just opened a record label, and in that case, you don’t have to read the rest of this blog.
iRecord
This one is a tricky one. If you’re recording on a $10 computer mic, you’re just practicing your karaoke skills. In this case, you can always turn on your webcam along the way, and just become one of the YouTube vloggers, you probably have more chances getting heard, than actually trying to lay down some verses. I’m not hating, I’m just saving your a$ of getting embarrassed, real bad. Now, if you have your little home studio, now, that’s something you can work with. Make sure to have it mixed properly. And for all of you with engineers who are real people, not blow up dolls, I’m proud. Even if you’re recording in a pro studio, if your song is not mixed right, go back to the first tip of becoming a vlogger.
iManage
When you start recording, and when you actually do get some nice feedback [not from your friends and family members, do you really think they will dare telling you that you suck, it's like telling your girlfriend she gained weight, or turning off boyfriends TV while he's watching Superbowl halftime show hoping to see more wardrobe malfunctions]. Anyways, back to the topic, you need a manager. NO, do NOT hire your best friend, do NOT hire your family member, and do NOT hire first person who comes along. Wait, you’re not really in the position to hire someone, since you’re pretty much starting (this one goes for everyone who is still investing more than actually earning from their music) , basically, network, and ASK someone who has connections, in a very POLITE way, if they could help you manage and promote your music and career. Your manager is NOT the person who will party with you 24/7. Your manager is the person who will work when you party.
iPromote
If you want to promote you will definitely need a certain budget. No one will HELP/ASSIST you promote for free. You need a good image – so make sure most of your budget goes into sick design. Yeah, design that my Master Shifu of Design does. Oh wait, just go and hire him! I can absolutely guarantee that you will get a modern, classy but yet urban personalized design! Do NOT, but do NOT, and I repeat DO NOT use a half naked girls pic, with copy/paste pics taken with a camera phone around her, with words that don’t make sense, in a font that looks ridiculously cheap, and voa-la, your banner. If I had a dollar for each time I saw this gross thing I’d be a billionaire.
iTweet
Oh dear. Ok so. Why are you tweeting celebrities, talking to them like you’re friends and giving them advice or “Yea, I agree with you T-Pain” – I bet you made his day. Why are you following 587687676476 random people hoping they will follow you back? Why are you tweeting posts such as “Man, I’m getting that money” – Good for you, but I still see that gross banner I talked about up there.
iText
Don’t you dare texting me with your “about to be released hit single that the whole universe ain’t ready for” written all in caps. First, using caps means you’re yelling at someone. Second, if the whole universe ain’t ready, then I’m sure that a random mortal such as me is not ready for sure! Instead, just send me the track via WELL DESIGNED e-mail with the track attached, or link where the track can be heard at. I’ll be more than glad to listen, only if you followed steps iWrite and iRecord.
iPerform
If you perform in front of 3 friends and 5 bartenders, again, I got bad news for you. If you perform for 100 people we can call it a private showcase, ONLY if it’s a really small place. If you pay to perform, and it’s not MTV or BET awards… Leave your dream of becoming major to someone else then. Now, if you put on stage every single person you know, just so your whole neighborhood feels important. EPIC FAIL. On your stage you can have your DJ, band, back vocalists and dancers. And make sure you look fresh and clean.
iAppear
Now, your appearance is very important. You need to have your style. You need to look clean. I feel that Lil John is a straight slap for his fans. He just looks dirty. They are spending money on him, and he looks the way he does? Come on, don’t be giving me the look “they accept him for who he is”, wake up, there’s no “accepting the inner beauty” in the industry! Plus I see no inner beauty in Lil John. I might be blind.
iEarn
Make sure to invest in things you need, and in things that will produce more income. 5 cell phones? Really?… Be a businessman. Don’t be a spender. Don’t make me MC Hammer you. Oh wait, list of broke ‘celebs’ goes on and on.
OK, I feel I should stop here. Thanks for reading, browse around the site, there’s a lot more useful things than the blog you just spent 5 minutes of your life on =). If you have any suggestions, questions, ideas, comments – you know where to find me -go over to the contacts page.
